Life with two under two (plus two) is fun and fulfilling, but sometimes I really miss those days in the hospital with my newborn. I miss the break from responsibility (how funny is it to have a newborn yet feel like you're getting a break from responsibility), I miss the 24/7 room service, I even miss the awful hospital food (I loved lifting the heavy plastic lid off of my tray and discovering what disgusting concoction I was expected to eat, for the sole reason that I wasn't the one who had to cook the disgusting concoction).
I think the thing I miss most about the hospital, though, is that feeling of total commitment. During those four days after my c-section, I was able to commit myself to my baby 100%. I had no other kids pulling me in several different directions, I never had to put my baby down and let him cry while I changed someone else's diaper or refilled a sippy cup, I never got distracted from the all-consuming task of loving my new baby.
I'll never regret two under two or even four under five, but that small gap between children does make those early days complicated. When Dylan was a baby, I never put him down. He didn't touch the floor at all until he was three months old, and then when I put him down on a blanket I was always down there with him. I had that luxury because I didn't have to worry that my toddler would throw something at him, I didn't have to get up and tend to a dispute between my four year old and my five year old, and I didn't have to think about what to make for anyone's lunch except my own. I had all the time in the world and I could devote every minute to my only child.
Some days I envy moms who spaced their children out. I know one mom who put 10 years between her kids, another one who waited 14 years and one who has 18 years between her two. They all had the luxuries of raising only children and the blessings of having multiple children. They had babysitters already on call in their homes. They had a little bit of the chaos of raising a child but none of the chaos that comes with two under two.
Of course, as a first time mom at 33 I never had the luxury of time, so putting even 10 years between my children would have been really out of the question. But if I'd started having kids in my early 20s would I have chosen any differently? My sister and I had 15 months between us, so the concept of two under two never seemed odd to me. In fact, when I had my first two 15 months apart and started hearing criticism about it, I was surprised that anyone would find it strange.
So yes, sometimes I wish I could go back to those hospital days. It was like the Ritz Carlton compared to my house, and Henry and I were first class guests. But then I remember how it felt when my husband and my other three kids walked out of our room after a visit, how much I missed them before the door had even closed behind them. Sure, life with two under two is tough, and it's even tougher with four under five. But even the Ritz Carlton isn't as good as home.
I think the thing I miss most about the hospital, though, is that feeling of total commitment. During those four days after my c-section, I was able to commit myself to my baby 100%. I had no other kids pulling me in several different directions, I never had to put my baby down and let him cry while I changed someone else's diaper or refilled a sippy cup, I never got distracted from the all-consuming task of loving my new baby.
I'll never regret two under two or even four under five, but that small gap between children does make those early days complicated. When Dylan was a baby, I never put him down. He didn't touch the floor at all until he was three months old, and then when I put him down on a blanket I was always down there with him. I had that luxury because I didn't have to worry that my toddler would throw something at him, I didn't have to get up and tend to a dispute between my four year old and my five year old, and I didn't have to think about what to make for anyone's lunch except my own. I had all the time in the world and I could devote every minute to my only child.
Some days I envy moms who spaced their children out. I know one mom who put 10 years between her kids, another one who waited 14 years and one who has 18 years between her two. They all had the luxuries of raising only children and the blessings of having multiple children. They had babysitters already on call in their homes. They had a little bit of the chaos of raising a child but none of the chaos that comes with two under two.
Of course, as a first time mom at 33 I never had the luxury of time, so putting even 10 years between my children would have been really out of the question. But if I'd started having kids in my early 20s would I have chosen any differently? My sister and I had 15 months between us, so the concept of two under two never seemed odd to me. In fact, when I had my first two 15 months apart and started hearing criticism about it, I was surprised that anyone would find it strange.
So yes, sometimes I wish I could go back to those hospital days. It was like the Ritz Carlton compared to my house, and Henry and I were first class guests. But then I remember how it felt when my husband and my other three kids walked out of our room after a visit, how much I missed them before the door had even closed behind them. Sure, life with two under two is tough, and it's even tougher with four under five. But even the Ritz Carlton isn't as good as home.
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