February 2010 Archives

"I don't know how you do it." I hear that a lot.

Mostly, I don't really know how I do it either. But people come to me a lot with questions, especially those who had an "oops" ("oh my god, my baby is only seven months old and I just found out I'm pregnant again ... please tell me how you do it!") I guess that's because I've had two under two not just once, not twice, but three times ("You're insane" is another one I hear a lot).

Insane or not, I do have tips. You develop coping strategies when you have so many little ones--some of them obvious, some of them not-so-obvious. Some of my favorites:

• Get a wrap-style baby sling, like a Mobiwrap. Wrap style slings are very easy on your back and shoulders, and when you are hands-free it's much easier for you to chase after a toddler, not to mention clean up after one.
• Drive thrus are your friend. I don't advocate using drive thru for dinner, at least not very often, but many other services have drive thrus: banks, drug stores, coffee shops, dry cleaners, etc. Any time you can do your errands without having to drag everyone out of their car seats you'll be ahead of the game.
• Containment! Get a double stroller and make sure the younger ones are always strapped into it in shopping malls and other busy places. Shop at club stores (two reasons: bulk discounts and those huge shopping carts where you can sit two kids side by side in the cart seat). At your regular store, look for those shopping carts that have a ride-on-car attached to the front. You can put two kids in the car and still have room for one of them in the seat. In a pinch, you can also use two shopping carts. Put one child in each seat, and walk between the carts, holding on to the sides to steer them.
• Only go to parks that are completely fenced in. Then if you have to chase one of your children you'll have time to turn around and grab the other one before he runs out of the park.
• Get a "child proximity alarm" for your toddler, and don't worry about those parents who scoff and accuse you of trying to pawn off your parental responsibilities on a piece of technology. I guarantee you, those people either have an only child or kids with large age gaps between them. They have no idea what it's like to have two under two (or more), and if they were ever given that responsibility they'd probably have a nervous breakdown.

And finally, ignore dissenters. Having two under two is hard work, but it's wonderful in many ways, especially for your children. Remember that you aren't just giving your older child a sibling, you're giving her a best friend. You'll develop your own coping strategies, and when someone you encounter accuses you of insanity, you can just roll your eyes and tell them how wonderful it is to be crazy.

Here we go again. Breastfeeding.

My pediatrician told me she prefers the pain of labor to the pain of breastfeeding. Labor, she says, you only have to do once. Breastfeeding is something you have to do eight to 12 times a day.

I have to say I agree. I'd happily go through a c-section a couple more times in exchange for smooth, trouble-free, painless breastfeeding.

I had to give up nursing when Dylan was just six weeks old. I got to 10 months with Hailey, and four months with Natalie. None of my kids were exclusively breastfed. I have a host of different problems, which I won't take the time to outline, instead I'll just say that breastfeeding is physically difficult for me. And very painful. At times I feel genuine despair because I'm just not able to accomplish a normal breastfeeding relationship like pretty much everyone else I encounter in my hometown.

At those times, I try to remember what a friend said to me right after I gave up breastfeeding Dylan.

My friend has three healthy boys. What I didn't know at the time was that she also had a fourth baby--her first--who died at birth. She came over to visit us when Dylan was a couple of months old, and she indulgently listened to me lament my lost breastfeeding relationship. Then she told me about the death of her first baby.

"I used to hate it when people would complain about their uncomfortable pregnancy or difficult labor," she said. "All that pain means nothing if you have a healthy baby. My first baby was stillborn, and you know I would have had him through my nose if it meant I'd have been able to keep him."

And that was it. Perspective. As trying as those first couple of weeks are, as frustrating as it is knowing that I can't give my baby as much breastmilk as I'd like to, in the end it doesn't matter. My baby is healthy, he's happy, and I'm grateful.